Question by : Mum has depression but won’t get help even though she has become abusive to my brother and I.?
Long story short, she decided to split up with my Dad in June 2009. Not sure if this is because she didn’t want to be with him or the fact that she had so much debt the stressed pushed her over the edge. After that they filed for divorce but as the recession just hit and my Dad can’t work because he had a stoke when I was 11 they had to remain living together as we tried to sell the house for a) money and b) to prevent repossession of the house. We had many repossession and bay lift threats and some court orders for not paying e.g. council tax although my Dad gave my Mum money to pay the debt off she spent it on something else. They also had to put the divorce on hold because they couldn’t pay the fees. Anyway we all lived in a very hostile environment. My Mum stopped working because she was depressed and hasn’t worked since! Eventually we managed to sell out house in Decemeber last year and me brother and I live with our Mum. We thought she was okay but a month or 2 after the move she started having psychotic episodes like we would watch tv and she would suddenly say that the people on tv were whores and stuff. When she has these episodes she always says they are going to get us but won’t say who when we ask. She says me brother and I are prostitutes and whores and implies our Dad sexually abused us as children which is ridiculous! Once she grabbed my hand and dug her nails in and made me bleed. I have offered to get help for her but she doesn’t think she needs it. I hate living with her but don’t earn enough to move out and can’t leave my brother. Plus if we left her she could not afford to find a place to live on her own. She takes antidepressants sometimes but she says she can’t take them at the moment (dunno if this is true) because she is on pain med for osteoarthritis in her knee which I am guessing she got because she is pretty overweight (emotional eating etc). Idunno what to do? I have offered to get her help but she thinks she’s fine and doesn’t want me to tell her brother or sister anything. I can’t live like this forever it’s not fair. Any ideas? I can’t drag her to the doctors.
She also threatens to kill herself a lot though I am fairly sure she won’t do this as she’s threaten to do it for like years now so she would have done it by now if she meant it! She has also said she would kill me and my brother before but thankfully as she is like only 5″ I think I could fight her off. Sometimes I kind of wish she would kill herself which is awful I know but it would solve a lot of problems as I think it won’t be long until we start struggling financially again.
I am 23 and my brother is 18 so obviously we wouldn’t need to be adopted. My Dad knows about all this but is not capable of making informed decisions since having his stoke. My aunt and uncle also know but there isn’t a lot they can do without my Mum deciding to help herself. I am going to my local doctors today to see if they can offer advice though I doubt it.
Best answer:
Answer by Adam Caru
Yeh been there done that, splitting image of my mum.
If she won’t get help she’ll keep abusing you.
You need to
A) either get out, maybe move to your dads. Go into a foster home,
B) call a counselling helpine, here in australia 1800-55-1800 is eligable, they’ll give you professional
advice.
C) put up with the abuse like nothing happened.
Next time she’s in an episode you actually could go into your room and close the door and dial for an ambulance saying she’s in a completely unhealthy mental state and that you’re worried for her well-being and your own well-being.
Don’t tell her till they arrive otherwise things COULD get nasty. But in a hospital they’d have a psychiatrist evaluate her and if she isn’t well she’d go into a psych ward where they would help her get better.
Be really careful about the hospital option though, if she found out you called an ambulance while she’s in a fit of rage, it wouldn’t be very safe.
Goodluck
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